I've said it before, yeah. But it's just not looking to good for your old pal P-bone.
These days are definitely some of the worst I've lived through. So bad, that I don't even feel up to the simple task of bulleting them off.
My lady and I split. This time, I'm sure it's for good. It wasn't through a huge fight, cheating, or anything bad, but a deeply depressing realization that forward progression is impossible. I've begun to feel the burn from that 5 percent pay cut I mentioned earlier. Not only that, but money problems are becoming even more with my brother's recent substance abusing in the mix. Along that vein, my vehicle is becoming unglued and will eventually become useless. I'm still reeling from my parents' visit, which left me with larger questions and more about me to consider suspect (a fair departure from the relaxing coming-to-terms that I had hoped for).
Last night, my brother and his most recent ladyfriend took the living room for extended make-out sessions. So, as I sat on the porch, my feet becoming soaked from the torent of rainfall that finally last night drove through the cocking around the porch's awning, I thought about exactly how badly I felt. I still feel that badly today. It's a hard position with no easy solutions.
If there were some solutions, they'd be these (and I feel just optimistic enough — talk of solutions will do that sometimes — to bullet them off for easy reference):
n Reconciliation with Ms. Starchild. This is unrealistic. The only reconciliation that we can both hope for is to retain our great friendship. Right now, I'm so depressed that I can't envision this reality.
n My brother quits his substances. Asking him to change his self is also unrealistic.
n I start receiving more money. This is also unrealistic. Though, I do have a couple freelance jobs on the hook, they're developing quite slowly.
n Some large sea change. It's hard to say how how realistic (or unrealistic) this is. What I'd hope for is something to render economic entities powerless, especially exclusively those to which I'm in debt.
As of this moment, I'm torn apart by mine and Ms. Starchild's relationship ending. It's a bitter pain that is felt entirely — and doesn't seem to be going away any time soon. The only solace I receive anymore is typing about it. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, welcome back to the way it is P-bone.
